Film school has become quite a hassle these days. First off, you have to pay for it, and then you probably have to attend stuff or something. I don’t really know, I never went to film school, but I’ve met a few people who have and they inspired this article. So if you don’t have the money to go to film-school, or you just want a refresher in how to do film, then I’m here to help. Today I’m going to walk you through, ‘How to become an expert in silent cinema.’
In this image, the cameraman has accidentally left his finger on the lens
Silent cinema is important because it’s old. Ask any film student and they’ll tell you that they love silent cinema. In fact, it’s one of their favourite things. They’re drawn to its oldness, its silence, and its age. You see, back then directors really had to hone their craft to find their art because it would take many, many more years before cinema matured to the point where it could tackle real issues like: chainsaw-wielding maniacs; quasi-incestuous referencing of other films; and what actresses look like with no clothes on. It’s hard to believe, but as any film student can tell you, people nowadays don’t really appreciate that once upon a time, people showed up to watch silent films like they were regular films, because that was the best they had.
Due to inflation, silent films feel a lot longer now than they did when originally released
Still, in these modern, rapid-fire crazy days, it’s difficult to find time to sit through silent films. Seriously, some of them are literally hours long. That might have been acceptable back in the 1920s, when people sought arduous tasks to stave off their inevitable death to typhoid, but nowadays we have to more carefully ration our time between so many tasks. And after all, when you pay for a cellphone data plan, you really should use it as much as possible.
Metropolis was shot on location in Berlin. The city never really recovered from wartime bombing.
So here’s an easy step-by-step guide to quickly honing your critical skills and becoming a silent cinema aficionado…
So where to start? First things first, watch German director, Fritz Lang’s epic 1927 “masterpiece”, Metropolis. Be warned, it’s nearly three hours long, no one says a word, and everyone just flaps their arms around like morons, but silent cinema isn’t a topic like economics or spotting doctored US birth certificates- you can’t just claim to be an expert without putting in some time first. Bring your cellphone with you. It’s okay to look away from the screen for long periods. It’s a general rule of cinema that if no one is saying anything, then nothing important is happening. Also remember that since silent cinema has no sound, it can easily be watched in fast-forward because the “actors” don’t start sounding like chipmunks. But don’t be a total philistine about it, slow down to regular speed for the bits with explosions, even though they’re pretty lame by modern standards. Also look out for points of female nudity. Sure, it’s kinda weird since she could be your great-grandmother, but this is “art” we’re talking about, so pay attention.
Key words: Metropolis; Silent Cinema; Nudity
Little known fact: Metropolis also paved the way for Showgirls
In the film, you cannot hear this stupid drum thing
If you happen to be watching the film with others, remember that it is entirely acceptable to talk during silent cinema. Since there’s no speaking, normal film rules – such as keeping talking to a minimum except where loudly declaring, “Oh, one of my favourite bits is coming up soon!” – can’t reasonably be expected to apply. Since you have to ‘read’ silent films, via inter-titles, foreign film rules apply here. So feel free to keep a running commentary of events, talk about how people ‘back then’ would be amazed by this sort of thing, and about how, while the film certainly isn’t much to look at now, the trained eye can spy a lot of little ideas that were later realised in normal film.
Key words: Normal Film; Foreign Film; Commentary
The dumb expressions of ‘Expressionism’
So, with the hard work of sitting through the film out of the way, it’s time to start reaping the rewards. Firstly, you need to learn the basics about how to describe silent cinema. Luckily, Metropolis is representative of all silent cinema. You just watched the best. Although you shouldn’t state it so bluntly, everyone was basically just trying to make Metropolis but Fritz Lang got there first. One notable exception is Charlie Chaplin. He fell on his ass a lot. He inspired Walt Disney to invent cartoons, which are cool, but we’re on a grander journey here. When describing silent cinema the most important term to use is ‘expressionism.’ This is a descriptor of how silent cinema is kind of like real cinema. It’s called ‘expressionism’ because, since they couldn’t talk, the actors had to make big, stupid expressions just to keep the audience from leaving. It may look pretty dumb now but remember, back then lots of people had polio so they were used to people moving all weird. You might even say that silent cinema and polio go hand in hand.
Key words: Cartoons; Expressionism; Polio
This scene uses expressionism to signify that something is happening up high and to the left of the cameraman
Chin up, oppressed under-classes
As mentioned previously, silent cinema is a sub-genre of foreign film. Due to a lack of amenities and technical know-how, old films and non-English-speaking films aren’t really capable of properly fleshing out their product to fit into recognised genres like: Action Movies; Thrillers; Romantic Comedies; Yet Another Fucking Comic Book Adaptation; Franchise Reboots; or Films That Won Tom Hanks an Oscar. That’s not being unfair to them of course. They do some really good work considering their unfortunate circumstances. Some foreign films have even stumbled on methods that real directors later used to make great films. For example, although Bladerunner is arguably the most original film ever*, it can’t help that it was made after Metropolis which means some bits overlap a little. Consider, for example, the chins of Metropolis’ Gustav Fröhlich and Bladerunner’s Rutger Hauer.
Key words: Bladerunner; Genre; Chins
*If you scoffed loudly here, thinking, “Has this moron never even seen Dark City!?” then, great work. I could probably learn some things from you.
In early films you will often find editing blunders like this, where they accidentally put a load of weird shit in the same frame
A really important point is that Metropolis is a German film and as such, is about Hitler. World War 2 lasted from 1939 to 1945 and divided German history into three separate blocks of time: Before World War 2; Actual World War 2; and David Hasselhoff. Everything from ‘Before World War 2’ provides hints about why World War 2 happened. This is called foreshadowing and good films use it a lot to predict the future. Demonstrating how we’re building a case here, we might say that Metropolis is an expression(ism) of World War 2. This is super-important. Write it down!
Key words: German; World War 2; Foreshadowing; World War 2; WW2; World War 2
Triumph of the Wall
All possibly Nazis, maybe
I think the Nazis built one of these. They probably did. Yeah, I heard that somewhere. They totally built one of these.
Extending our analysis, the Nazis hated Jews. So it’s wise to posit, as a college professor of mine once did, that the ugly guy who built the robot is a stereotypically Jewish caricature because the clearly five-pointed star adorning the wall of his laboratory very nearly almost has as many points as a Star of David, albeit not quite specifically actually as many points as a Star of David. The Nazis also didn’t like black people and Metropolis was made in black-and-white. That is foreshadowing and shadows are also black. Again, this is really important, write it down! Such inferences show the depth of the film, and your depth of thought in reaction to the film. Still, what’s paramount is that you remember it’s not just what’s on the screen that’s important to win conversations, we also must bear in mind that film was a product of its time. Setting up this kind of scholarly perspective is important because, without it, you run the risk of accidentally sounding like you’re close-minded.
Key words: Nazis; Star of David; Really Important!
Behold, the Star of Five-to-Possibly-Six Points
Caligari’s Cabinet was deceptively spacious but very poorly constructed
Advanced Lesson: Okay, let’s push even further ahead. This is pretty advanced, so you might want to watch the film again if you have a chance. Just set it at 8x speed or so, that’s slow enough. Every so often you’ll encounter someone else who has actually seen Metropolis. They are out there. So what can you do to get the upper-hand when talking about film in front of them? Try the following sentence…
“While Metropolis clearly represents the apogee of the Silent Cinema art-form and consequently, of Expressionism as a film grammar rendered fully manifest, its visual thesis is unmistakably indebted to the pervasive chiaroscuro of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, released seven years earlier.”
Learn this sentence and wield it responsibly. This is a last resort. It simply translates to this: Fritz Lang, who directed Metropolis, ripped off someone else but made it better. So he’s like Quentin Tarantino’s granddad. And don’t worry, ‘chiaroscuro’ doesn’t mean anything. It’s total gibberish. If that line doesn’t silence any dissent then don’t worry. You’re an educated person, after all. Simply mumble the name, Siegfried Kracauer (Sig-Freed Crack-Hoor), before calmly excusing yourself.
Key words: Bullshit
Yes, I do know a lot about silent cinema. You’re absolutely correct
So there you have it. You are now fully equipped to dominate at discussions about silent films.
Concentric Ocelot Party 