In Brief: In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulu waits dreaming…for Obamacare! *
source: Digital Copy
I wrote this up a number of years back but, since the US is gearing up for, “War Against Amorphous Ideology Part III: The Revenge of the Night of the Curse of the Living Return” it’s very usefully been rendered prescient again. Of course the war against such evils could probably be fought on the home-front first by ensuring that no one ever has to sit through a copy of this film ever again but, with free speech unfortunately comes post-Airplane David Zucker.
So here is a list of some things I learned by watching this movie…
- Michael Moore doesn’t bathe! Take that Michael Moore! Zing!
- Documentaries are fascist propaganda tools and are NOT a legitimate platform for communication! Take that documentary film-makers that dare question America! You want proof that documentaries aren’t useful? They don’t make a lot of money. Q.E.D. bitches!
- Leslie Nielsen is American.
- America is basically entirely awesome and if you question that then you’re an asshole.
- Terrorists hate America cause that’s just what they do. They have no reasons and there’s no justification for even the slightest grievance over America’s actions in the Middle East.
- Did I mention that America is totally awesome? It totally is.
- England was a pussy surrender monkey in World War 2 and shame on them. Rah rah rah, America!
- Liberty is a good thing and it means whatever the US government says it means. Thusly, all decisions made to preserve liberty should be agreed to without question.
- The war in Iraq = the American civil war.
- Jimmy Carter is a surrendering scumbag!
Unwashed hippies- Hollywood-style
- Colleges = liberal brainwashing clubs and you shouldn’t send your kids to them. Oh, and the 1968 protests were the work of liberal scum too. Damn liberals. Grrrr!
- Rosie O’Donnell is a bitch. And you know how you can be sure she and Michael Moore are wrong? They’re fat!
- Anyone who questions the necessity for war is a coward.
- Oh yeah, gays are evil too. Quite a number of references to that held within this film’s slim 82 minute runtime.
- “Privacy rights cannot interfere with survival rights.” Oh, and survival rights are asserted by the US government and cannot and should not be questioned. What, have you got something to hide?
- There’s nothing quite as dashing as a man in an (American) army uniform. So if you’re a puny pacifist then your girlfriend will leave you for a real man. God bless America!
- Straw Man arguments are effective and convincing. On that note, condemning any American government action is actually an abuse of free speech…which ONLY Americans have to begin with!
- ‘Trace’ is apparently a legitimate first-name for a person?
- If you question America’s righteousness you are disappointing your family.
- Most terrorists actually love America and just want to be a part of it because it’s so awesome but their mean old bosses force them to blow themselves up anyway.
- And apparently John F. Kennedy was a hero for peace? Actually, even by Michael Moore’s, ahem, sorry, Malone’s standards, that was the one point where the film was slightly less than totally credible.
Tossed salads and scrambled political rhetoric
So, where does this leave the film? Well, if it was kinda funny it might save it a little but that didn’t work out either. When it’s not erecting contradictory straw man arguments and branding gays and Muslims as intrinsically evil then it’s parading out third-rate slapstick in an attempt to make the rest of the film seem less horrendously petty. This is the political equivalent of a child throwing a temper-tantrum in the frozen food aisle. Ironically, it almost makes Michael Moore’s oeuvre look fair and balanced. That’s another amazing truth uncovered. The more you know!
Terrorists R teh Dumbz, yo!
Not to overstate the point but the sheer immaturity and emptiness of rhetoric here marks this out as a film that really should shame the US. Hell, if I happened to actually support the US government’s policies vis-à-vis Al-Qaeda I’d still be offended by this film since it’s chosen viewpoint is so insane it strives to make everyone else guilty by association. There’s only two kinds of people in this world, Republicans that are always right and Liberals that are always wrong. And if you don’t agree with our definitions, you ain’t a Republican. Did I mention that Hitler was a liberal? He must have been ’cause he weren’t no Republican.
And to add insult to injury….pop country! Low blow, man. Low blow.
Easy Riding to an easy paycheck
So is there anything positive? Well, I wasn’t revolted by Dennis Hopper’s cameo in the midst of a zombie/ACLU attack. Mainly because it reminded me, and was obviously meant to remind me of, Land of the Dead. A film I actually like and a film that offers a much more nuanced and intelligent account of post 9/11 America too. Not that that’d be hard. I’m pretty sure the late Osama Bin Laden could paint a more convincingly positive picture of the US than this, even if it were painted with the blood of infidels.
Concentric Ocelot Party 